Boredom
by MistressOfTheMire
Summary: Envy gets bored while at a coffee shop and decides to terrorize the cook. Chaos ensues. SemiAU.


This idea popped into my head and wouldn't go away. I was actually going to make it into a real story, but it was better like this. Hope you like!

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Envy sighed and glanced around, bored. It was amusing to watch all the waiters fawn over Lust for a while, but it got old real fast. It seems the poor boys had never had such a beautiful woman walk into the little coffee shop before, as they were all drooling over her, and one sandy-haired fellow was causing the coffee he was pouring into a chipped mug to overflow. Suddenly the green haired sin got an idea. He grinned wickedly and stood up from the table.

"I'll be right back."

Lust looked at him oddly, but Envy just strode off to the back of the shop, where the bathrooms were. Once there, and after making sure he was alone, he morphed into a petite woman with flawless skin, long black hair pulled into a half-ponytail, and big, cerulean eyes. He checked his appearance in the bathroom mirror, changed his clothes into a skin-tight red dress, and sauntered out.

As he passed by the open door to the kitchen, he heard the metallic clang of a heavy pan being dropped. He smirked and stuck his head through the doorway. Acting as innocent as he could, being a sin an all, he asked sweetly,

"Is everyone alright? I heard the crash and thought something might have happened."

A dumbstruck cook gazed back at him from in front of a large stove. A metal skillet was lying in front of him. Envy waltzed in and up to the man, now trying to be as sexy as possible while still being innocent. A hard feat, to be sure, but Envy was experienced in these things and pulled it off excellently.

He bent down and grasped the skillet, giving the cook a nice view of his breasts. The man swiftly turned around, trying to hide a nosebleed. Envy smirked behind his back. He then lightly touched the man on the shoulder, attempting to get his attention. The cook jumped and spun around, blood gushing from his nose. Envy put on a worried frown and took the cook's blood covered hand away from his nose.

"Are you all right, sir? That looks nasty…" He said in a falsely concerned voice. The man nodded and, apparently finding his voice, said thickly,

"I'll be fine." Then, composing himself, "Who might you be? I don't believe I've seen you around here before."

Envy giggled. He was having a blast. "My name is Kimiko. I just moved here and thought that this place looked good. Nice to meet you, Mr.…."

"Oh! My name is Reld, fair Kimiko. Please allow me to cook you a special treat in return for worrying you."

Envy inwardly snickered, but a smile lit his face on the outside. "That would be great, Reld-san. I have no doubt that it will be delicious."

Reld drew a frying pan from a nearby cabinet and began mixing some concoction in a bowl. "I call this dish fried tapioca. It may sound horrible, but I assure you, it is quite scrumptious."

_I'm sure, _Envy thought. The cook, after finishing mixing the whatever, dumped it all onto the frying pan. It kind of plopped on, and soon began to sizzle. _Eeew…_

Reld was soon done with his 'masterpiece'. He placed some of his creation onto a small plate and presented it to Envy with a flourish.

"Here you are, madam. Enjoy."

Envy smirked at how well his plan was going. He bit into the slightly crunchy…thing, and almost gagged on the taste. He made a show of praising the cook for his culinary skills, however. Envy really didn't want to face another bite of the nightmare, so he put his plan in action sooner than he planned.

Envy made his skin have a greenish tint to it. He started moaning piteously, catching the attention of Reld.

"What's wrong? Did you swallow too much at one time?"

Envy shook his head and moaned again. The distressed cook searched frantically for a way to help the 'woman', but found none.

Suddenly Envy pointed a finger at Reld. "You…you poisoned me!" He cried accusingly.

"No! I would never do that!" He replied, aghast. Envy said nothing in return, but dropped to the floor, unmoving. The cook took one look at him and ran from the room to get help.

Once Envy was sure he was gone, he returned to his normal form. He stood up and walked cheerfully out the kitchen.

Lust raised an eyebrow when he sat back down at their table. Gluttony was chewing on what looked to be a table leg.

"Did you have anything to do with the man who just ran through here, screaming about a dead girl in his kitchen?"

Envy put on a hurt face. "Now Lust, I'm hurt that you think I would do something like that. In fact I'm ashamed. All I did was go to the bathroom!"

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You know you loved it. I know I did- Envy's so awesome! I love his palm-tree-ness!

R&R!


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